


Forgive

by stardustandswimmingpools



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Swearing, THIS IS PLATONIC OMG, cuz. jared, evan isn't shy he just has anxiety WHICH MEANS, he's also a sarcastic little shit!!!!, i made up jared's mom's name but whatever, of sorts, only w jared tho, should be anyway, this has been a psa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustandswimmingpools/pseuds/stardustandswimmingpools
Summary: Evan just wants Jared to forgive him.





	Forgive

**Author's Note:**

> **PLATONIC FIC**  
>  anyway. hello here's some more angst with a happy ending. set between So Big/So Small and the Finale, like, after they graduate or....whatever. just. use your imagination  
> and enjoy!

Jared’s face is stony when he opens the door, and Evan squashes the instinct to turn and run. This is neither fight nor flight.

“I just want to talk to you,” he says quickly, before Jared can slam the door so hard the entire foundation of his brick house shakes and crashes to the ground and crushes both him _and_ Jared.

Jared doesn’t answer. He stares Evan down until Evan has to avert his eyes, shameful, and then the doorway widens as Jared steps back.

A bit surprised, Evan takes the invitation and enters.

The Kleinman household has always felt like a little bit off from what home is supposed to feel like. Evan sometimes wonders whether or not that’s because it once _did_ feel like home, until it was alienated by asshole elite High School Jared. There’s still a scuff mark on the wall that leads to the upstairs from when Jared and Evan ran down the stairs racing toy trucks on the wall. Home. Weird word. Weird concept.

Jared goes up the stairs and Evan doesn’t look at the scuff mark. He follows until they’re in Jared’s room, familiarly unfamiliar, remembered best through grainy Skype calls. When Jared sits on his bed, Evan figures he should stand.

Jared gestures robotically. “Talk.”

Evan swallows. “I, um, I. I’m sorry.”

He waits: Jared doesn’t answer, doesn’t even react. His face is unreadable, which is worrying. Jared is the most open book Evan has ever seen. Expressionless, pissed-off Jared is unsettling.

“I’m sorry,” Evan repeats. “I wish...I...I’m sorry.”

“I get it,” Jared snaps. “You’re sorry.”

“I wish...I wish it had been...I wish I hadn’t lied, I’m sorry — for dragging you into — into this whole mess, I…” Evan takes a halting breath. “I don’t, I just, I don’t know how to fix it.”

Jared stares at him. “Fix it?”

Yes, fix it. Fix everything. Fix the Murphys, fix his half-friendship with Jared, fix himself. Fix everything.

Evan nods. There hadn’t really been a plan here. Show up and beg for forgiveness, maybe? So much for that. Begging now would seem forced.

Finally Jared scoffs. “You can’t,” he says simply.

Evan hangs his head. “I know.”

“So why are you here? What the fuck do you want?”

Evan swallows. “I, um.”

“You want me to forgive you.” It’s a statement, not a question. Flat, matter-of-fact. Underneath his bravado, Jared is smart. Evan’s a bit transparent, too.

“I told the Murphys,” Evan says helplessly, instead of really responding.

Jared’s eyes widen. “What the fuck? Why would you do that?”

“Because I was tired of lying to them!” His heart picks up pace and Evan’s not sure if it’s because he’s anxious or angry or agitated or what. “And I couldn’t just keep letting it go on, forever, people believing that Connor and I were best friends and lying to Zoe —”

“Zoe.” Jared only says one word, but Evan falls silent, because it’s poisonous and sharp. “Suddenly everything is clear.”

“I told them because it was wrong,” Evan repeats, staring at the carpet. Jared scoffs incredulously.

“Yeah, it was.” He sighs, like he’s exhausted, like he’s surrendered. “So you just — now they know? The whole world’s gonna know we’re frauds? We’ll probably get arrested, you know. We’re probably going to —”

“I didn’t tell them about you,” Evan blurts out, and shoves his hand in his pocket so he doesn’t tear the hem of his shirt from all of the anxiety building up under his skin. He wants to break something, to run ten miles, to cry. He doesn’t. Jared looks up.

“What? Why not?”

Good question. “It was my fault,” Evan mumbles. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into it.”

Jared laughs disbelievingly. “Not that I want to be involved in your looming arrest, but shit, Evan, it was my idea to lie.”

Evan shakes his head. “I know, but I just, you didn’t — do anything, you were just trying to help. And I don’t, I don’t think they’re going to tell anyone.”

Jared throws his hands up. “How could you _possibly_ know?”

And the answer is he doesn’t. Evan doesn’t know anything: maybe the Murphys are online right now telling the whole world that Evan’s a liar. Maybe they would if they thought anyone would believe them. Maybe they’re going to tell the principal. Maybe Evan’s going to get arrested. Maybe he’ll never see his mom again. Maybe maybe maybe, but —

They won’t. “I don’t.”

“Well,” Jared says, “forgive me if I don’t want to take your word for it, bro.”

_Bro_.

“Jared, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for saying you don’t have friends, and for — um, for being a bad fr — family friend.”

Jared snorts. " _Please._ You were right. I don’t have friends. I don’t want friends, but I don’t have them, but whatever, right? Anyway, I’m an asshole to you, like, 95% of the time, so I’ll call it even.”

And, okay, Evan had come over here with the intent of asking Jared for forgiveness, but that? Was too easy. He blinks twice. “What? That’s it?”

Jared raises an eyebrow. “Do you _want_ me to be pissed off?”

“No, I just thought you...well I thought…” Evan peters out and kicks the carpet with his toe. Jared sighs.

“Forget it,” he says. “I mean all of it. Forget all of the bullshit. Forget that we lied, and now we’ll start over and it’s like none of it even happened. You can go back to freaking out about menial things, instead of shit that matters, and I’ll go back to playing video games until 2am and being an asshole, and all will be right in the world.”

“But —” Evan cuts off. “Never mind.”

“Dude,” Jared says flatly, “you can’t start a sentence and then stop. At all. It’s unfair.”

Evan shakes his head because all he wanted was to see if maybe they could still be friends or maybe in this new world where none of this stuff with Connor happened then maybe they’ll _become_ friends but it’s pretty clear that Jared doesn’t really think Evan’s a worthwhile person so he should probably just leave now before he gets ahead of himself or before Jared realizes how dumb it was to forgive Evan and let him into his home.

“Evan,” Jared repeats. “Come on, man. If you don’t tell me, it’s gonna keep me up all night.”

Evan takes a deep breath. “Are we friends now?” He asks timidly.

Jared grins. “ _Family_ friends,” he says. That is, friends who met through synagogue, before Evan and Heidi stopped going. Heidi kept in touch with Deborah Kleinman and they would meet up every month or so and that meant Jared and Evan would have to meet up and then they discovered that they would be at the same school, how wonderful! And since then Evan and Jared have been forced together. But now, well, neither of them _have_ to be friends, so. So of course Jared wouldn’t want to be friends with him. Evan’s a huge joke to him, that’s all. A joke and an asshole.

“Right, okay,” he mumbles. “Well, um, sorry, I —”

“Evan!” Jared smacks his arm, and Evan rubs it, wincing. “I’m _joking._ Yeah, I guess we’re friends. What the hell, right? You’re the only one who puts up with me.”

That’s maybe only like half-true, because Alana puts up with him usually (mostly because she’s much smarter than him) and also Evan gets fed up with Jared a lot, he just never _says_ anything, lest _family friend_ becomes _kid I know from synagogue._ Still, admittedly, Evan _mostly_ puts up with Jared. “Well. Okay. Thank you.”

“Jesus,” Jared says, “you should see someone about your inability to understand a joke.”  
“Thanks, Jared, it’s called a therapist, and he’s what got us in this mess in the first place,” Evan retorts, rolling his eyes, relief blooming in his chest. Jared barks a laugh.

“Sarcasm! That means he’s _really_ back to normal. Welcome back, Evan.” Jared chuckles. “Wanna play Fallout 4?”

“No, I hate Fallout,” Evan says.

“But it’s Fallout _4,_ ” Jared whines.

“I think we’ve had enough fallout from anything,” Evan says, “for a lifetime.”

“We can play Skyrim.”

“Fine, Skyrim. But I’ll kick your ass.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! i'm on tumblr @do-you-ever-really-crash or @vivilevone where you are all welcome to talk to me about all things dear evan hansen ~~except conman shh~~ adieu!


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